The Travel Companion

You guy, my guy! Iz how?? Hoping mumeshinda vyema na mko buheri wa afya mithili ya bahari ama was it buhari??? Hehe ata sijui how it used to go! Anyways, si mko chonjo?? Haya straight to the hekaya! Leo nawapeleka moja kwa moja hadi pale si mbali sana (not that far) pahali panaitwa Naivasha. It was just after the Safari Rally event had ended and I had given myself time for the Traffic to dissipate (yaani hii kitu mlikuja kwa wingi! Thuraku is thuraku! Kama ingekua time ya Exodus maze mjomba Moses would have been super proud of Ya’ll!!). Unajua Kenyans lazima tutafute reason ya kila kitu so yangu ilikua bado watu hawajatoka so wanatoka pole pole daily kama vile siafu hufanya msafara.

Huyoo one week later nikaamua sasa its time for me to go back to Kanairo a.k.a Gotham City. Why did I call it Gotham you might ask?? Ni juu hii mtaa imekua noma ajab! Yaani wezi wanaibia polisi simu akiongea nayo?? Hamna woga ya POLICE tena?? Like I can imagine this guy was probably talking to his side chick vile watapana baadae alafu nduthi geng ikapita na thimo. Kama ni mimi ningewafuata nikishout, “Karumaindo saa kumi na mbili!” just to close the convo before the phone got far away. Alafu I would have shouted, “Wameenda nayooo!!” “Ama sirikali tafadhaliii….Wezi imeenda na simu yangu!” But si alikua sirikali??? Na si wanasemanga mkono wa sharia ni mrefu?? Mimi I was waiting to see that long arm of the law!! Where had it gone?? Ata ilistretch kweli?? Like come on?? Ivo tuu?? Yaani serikali aliwacha tuu simu ikazidi hivyo?? Probably what the receiver heard last was, ‘Whooooosh!!! (As the phone was taken away by sheer force) then, “Weh Kamau zima hiyo kitu ama watupate” as the nduthi geng’ la wezi disappeared into the abyss.

Haha shiieet I drifted!! Poleni my peoples. Where was I? Ohh tulikua tunatoka Vasha a week later after the rally festivities. Sasa kufika pale stage ya magari ya umma (cool kids hizo ni PSV ama Matato) since sikua na private means (Mungu mkuu usisahau ile deal yetu tulibonga 🙏) nikachukua ticket and proceeded to sit just before the last row on a window seat. But atleast siku hizi hatufinyani kama zamani thanks to that virus made in China honorable Covid-19. Nikakaa fity, put on my earphones niskize mix moja moto ya Amapino (watu wangu wa firimbi hoyeee) by one @ICONTHEDEEJAY (big shout out to you) I had just downloaded ready for my journey ahead. Punde si punde ata kabla ya kuviweka viearphoni kwenye vijimaskio nikaskia some guy asking for directions na kama the vehicle was heading to the city. “But si imeandikwa in bold letters hapo juu ‘Naivasha to Nairobi’?” I thought to myself. “Ama niliingia gari mbaya??” Some woman who had taken the sit nyuma ya driver (watu wa kutravel na matatu mnajua) proceeded to tell him that Yes it was going to the city. Sasa hapo ndio maswali kama thao zilianza! (Weeeh! The things we experience in PSV’s sometimes aghhh! Enyewe kila soko ina mwenda wazimu wake).

 “Hii gari ilifika hapa saa ngapi??” “Inatoka hapa saa ngapi?” “Ni Pesa ngapi?” “Dereva ako wapi?” “Nairobi tutafika saa ngapi?” Yaani huyu msee hakua ananyamaza!! “Alaaaar!” I couldn’t contain myself…. “Kwani huyu mzae ako na maswali mingi aje?” asking myself in low tones wasiskie coz I didn’t want to sound rude. The woman was very kind and proceeded to answer all his queries about the journey. After he was finally convinced and sold, he paid for his ticket and called on the driver to direct him where ‘Machakos County Bus Station’ was once we get to the city. I quickly check if the seat on my row is taken and to my happiness, yes it was. (Hehe forgive me for wanting peace of mind. I didn’t want to answer a thousand and one questions from a guy who had seemed to have swallowed a radio plus I was still recovering from the sherehe shenanigans the previous week. Yea it takes 7-8 business days for me to fully recover these days from one day of small small sherehe.) All the seats were taken except the last two at the back. I silent prayed and crossed my fingers for him to get the one on the far left (yea kidogo far from me!)

Some young lad had paid before him and was approaching the vehicle. Behind my mask I was grinning like a green gecko. Maahn I was happy! Atleast at the back of my mind I knew I had averted some oncoming disaster. Shock on me!!! Weh Ooliskia wapi?? Dude had some luggage that required to be put pale kwa boot. The ‘Maswali Guy’ came straight to where I was seated. “Shiiiet. Wololo.. Kwisha mimi!!” I managed to mumble looking down!

Maswali Guy: “Habari yako kijana yangu.” (I pretended not to hear the first one since I had my earphones on and my favourite tune ‘Shay’mpempe’ was playing.)

Maswali Guy: Louder this time round while bending over, “Habari yako kijana yangu?”  

ME: I remove the earphone that was facing his side and calmly responded, “Mzuri sana.”

Maswali Guy: “Naweza kaa hapa.” He asks grinning.

Me: (Shocked and confused I ask…) “Wapi”??

Maswali Guy: “Hapa kando yako.” (Pointing where I had placed my bag pack coz nobody was supposed to sit there due to uncle GoK COVID-19 stipulations on all PSV’s.)

ME: “Haikubaliwi na Serikali kwa hivyo itakubidi umekaa hapa nyuma.” (Trying to sound as calm as I possibly could.)

Maswali Guy: “Na hii Serikali iko na mambo. Haitaki watu wakae pamoja?” (Dude didn’t even have his mask on. Probably didn’t even care if the Virus existed, but proceeds to take the back seat just behind me. Yea the one I didn’t want him in!!!)

ME: “Ehh wako na mambo kweli hawa!” (Putting my earphone back on and now getting comfortable for departure while avoiding eye contact with hawker’s coz once you do, buddie you owe them a purcase!)

 (I am not sure if he had even sat down….I feel a pat on my shoulder….I look back…. HERE WE GOOOOO AGAIN 😤!!! I was literally ready for the ground to swallow me!! Deh heck!! Kwani leo niliamka na mguu gani fwana??? Ahhhgk kwishia mimi!! Leo ni ile siku basss… I remove one earphone to listen what he had to say...)

Maswali Guy: “Ni saa ngapi?”

Me: (Checking my arm watch….Ohh shiet, I remember it was like 27 minutes behind and I didn’t have time to start calculating what time it takes Car A travelling at 60kms/hour to meet Car B traveling at the speed of light. I fish my phone while checking if the windows are sealed. (I didn’t want my phone snatched na nduthi geng la wezi.) “13:49 HRS” (……silence……..no response yet……I kinda expected some… I look back…. ‘My Maswali guy is looking puzzled!’ (‘Hajaget ama?’ I ask myself.)

Me: “Saa saba na forty nine.” (How do you say 49 na Swahili?? Mimi sikua nakumbuka hiyo lol!) Atleast now he has a rough idea as his face lightens up.”

Maswali Guy: “Ohh soooo saa nane imekaribia?”

Me: “Ehh imebaki dakika chache sana ifike saa nane.” (and then I look away…)

Maswali Guy: (Tap* Tap* on my shoulder again…..2 hard Pats!!) “Unaona tukifika Nairobi saa ngapi?”

Me: (Maaaahn!!! I was tired already! I wanted to rant out, “Cheki itabidi ushuke ukaulize dereva juu yeye ndie anaendesha hii nyamo😤!!” But I couldn’t!! Very calmly and respectfully with I responded…) “Naona tukifika around 1600 hrs. (I remember, Kizungu ni kungumkuti hapa…) Ohh pole naona tukifika kitu saa kumi hivi juu Nairobi ni kama masaa mawili kutoka Naivasha.”

Maswali Guy:  “Ohh Sawa. Lakini si utanionesha kule barabara ya Luthuli Avenue iko tukifika?”

Me: (Puzzled….) “Si niliskia ukisema unaenda Machokos County Bus Station?”

Maswali Guy: “Ehh naafaa kwenda huko ndio nipate mwelekeo ya kwenda Luthuli avenue.”

Me: (I was super puzzled and confused at this point. Then it hit me! That was his land mark! Vile wasee wengi hutumia Afya Centre ama pale Achieves kujua town. Hizo zikitolewa si watu wengi watapotea hiyo town! But since I didn’t want any further communication with the guy, and I had wanted to listen to my “Firimbi Mix” in peace, I decided that I would show him the way once we get to the CBD.) “Sawa tukifika Nairobi nitakuonyesha.”

Maswali Guy: “Sawa Kijana yangu.” (PS: This guy was not even that old but he kept calling me ‘Kijana Yangu.’ Smh 🤦🏾‍♂️!!)

Me: (Putting back my earphones….FINALLY!!! Some ‘Firimbi Mix’ in peace!! Ata haikua imefika kwa maskio…it was midair enroute to the ear….Tap* Tap*… 2 hard Pats on my shoulder!… Guess who…?? Maze I was at a boiling point!! If you had a pressure gauge you could measure steam coming out of my ears. Kengen had nothing on me!! Steam panda! Steam steam panda panda!!) Calmly as always looking back… “Enhe”?

Maswali Guy: (Leaning forward) “Mimi nimetoka huko Yuganda.” (I detect some boarder like accent)

Me: (Perplexed kidogo where that came from but going with the flow….) “Umetoka Uganda wapi?” (Lol I wanted to ask if it was Buganda kingdom but then I remembered that was in A.T.S (African Traditional Society) so opted to go with my first the question.)

Maswali Guy: “Mimi nimetoka hapo boarder ya Yuganda na Kenya.”

Me: “So wewe ni mixture ya Mkenya na Muganda?”

Maswali Guy: “Apana natoka boarder, lakini upande wa Kenya.” (Ohh so this niggah Kenyan huh? But why is he acting like he crawled out of some 4^th century cave?)

Me: “Na Naivasha ulifika aje?” (Now I am intrigued to know more about the guy… FYI he didn’t even know the town was called Naivasha!)

Maswali Guy: “Hapa nilikuja na Lorry ya Simba Cement kutoka huko boarder.” (He then proceeded to tell me how he had been conned Kshs. 4,000/- by the Lorry driver which was to be his transit fare from the boarder to Nairobi only to be ditched in Naivasha and had to ask for directions to where the stage for Nairobi was.)

Me: (I felt sorry for the lad but there is nothing I could do. His moneys had pepead already! Na kiendacho kwa mganga hakirudi! The lorry had already left him and was probably somewhere in Mai-Mahiu climbing lane.) “Pole sana lakini kua mwangalifu sana next time. Hii ni Kenya na sahii ni kubaya. Chukua ata kama ni basi, hapo utakua safe kiasi.”

Maswali Guy: “Ehh ata nataka nikirudi nichukue Eldoret Express nirudi nayo usiku huu”

Me: “Na unajua kule Eldoret Express ziko 🤔?” (I think now I am really concerned for the guy.)

Maswali Guy: “Ehh hizo najua. Si ndio ziko huko Bus station?” (It’s been a minute since I was there but last time I checked they were there so I guessed he was right.)

Me: “Yea kama sijakosea ziko huko.” (I then ask him what his business in town was and he proceeds to tell me that his journey to the CBD which took almost 2 days without a single meal & a shower was so that he could go buy a TV hapo Luthuli. Ate wapi?? I had fear written all over my face!! From the stories I read and hear about Luthuli and deals gone badly, I warn him…) “Huko chunga sana usiporwe. Huku kunaitwa Kanairo na ukicheza utajipata ukililia chooni! Huku kuna wajanja sana! Na tafadhali tafuta hoteli ukule kwanza. Chakula ni cha muhimi, ama nikupeleke tukifika??”

Maswali Guy: “Apana nikifika nitaenda ninunue TV alafu nitakula nikienda kwa Bus Station.”

Me: “Haya sawa sawa.”

(Long story short he declined my offer to help him go buy the TV or take him to a nice hotel to find something to eat. All through the journey from Westlands to town he kept pestering me to know which tall buildings belonged to Africans or Whites. I didn’t know the answer to many but since they were in Kenya most of my answers were guess work special and told him that majority of them belonged to Africans coz why not? Kwani Africans hawawezi own buildings hehe?? Tulipofika Nai I showed him where ‘Luthuli Avenue’ was and wished him well in all his endeavors, bid him goodbye as he disappeared into the abyss.

(If you know Dj Afro read this part with his voice in yoh head…) Ahh na basi kilicho na mwanzo basi bila shaka hakiwezi kosa kua na mwisho na hapo ndipo mwisho wetu wa heyaka za the “The Travel Companion”…. till next time….ITS BEEN REAL KAMA KAWA!!

 

~ Peace Out ✌🏾

     CN